The Chameleon. Lurking in the urban jungle, undetected, unknown, blending into the ever changing landscape, sampling everything from fine dining to reviewing take away joints, this lizard loves food possibly a little bit too much.

Milano (breakfast)

Overall score: 49/100 
Milano on Urbanspoon

Once in a while The Chameleon is spoiled for choice and on this particular morning in Brisbane's CBD, he was lurking to try to find a place with a decent coffee and a hearty breakfast to fuel his day. After seeking the advice of urbanspoon, and coming up short on a few venues, time was getting to be an issue so he sat down at Milano, right in Queens Street Mall. Having only ever eaten once in the Mall, he thought it may be time to 'risk' the experience again and, not heeding the advice of the lowly 53% like rating on urbanspoon, he asked for a seat.       


Of course the location is top notch, that is why it was initially chosen. Queen Street Mall is centrally positioned, handy to everything and smack bang right there, a bar-like semi-open eatery with stool type seating, as well as proper swanky tables. At first all was well. Initial impressions were very good, the place was neat, the Mall was relatively empty and the staff were somewhat helpful. Showing The Chameleon to one of the stool-seat tables was however, the start of a downward spiral that indeed confirmed Milano's low urbanspoon score was deserved. 

The waitress could have offered either type of seating; it doesn't take much to ensure the customer is happy, but alas, The Chameleon was directed to a high chair. She must have been having a miserable day as, although smiling on a few occasions, like when The Chameleon paid his bill, she moped around the entire time with such a distasteful look on her face, The Chameleon was definitely put off, though, as is usual, he was able to disguise his true feelings and weathered the negative charade. 

It is often the small things such as this that can turn a meal and The Chameleon hopes that the owner of Milano isn't stuck for waitress choice, because this girl definitely had to go. She rushed about like the world was on fire totally unnecessarily and, as should be the norm in the competitive dining of the CBD, never asked how his meal was. Small things Milano.

Milano does itself very little favours with its food. Admittedly, the presentation was quite nice, the rectangular plate presented well and apart from hiding one of the pieces of bread under almost all of the other ingredients, The Chameleon was ready to dive in; it looked quite appetising.

From the first bite, the issues began. The bread was, unfortunately very hard. Typically this is not a problem IF there is something to soak up, but to digest two large thick pieces of fancy toast made the Chameleon feel like this meal was going to be a chore. Thankfully, the second 'hidden' piece did absorb some of the moisture from the mushrooms, so about one quarter of it was at least digestible towards the end. The mushrooms were also passable. Everything else on the plate was unfortunately a disappointment. The eggs came out with an inconsistent texture; some parts were great, but overall it was a bit mish-mash. The tomato was a tomato, the bacon underdone. But the worst part of the meal was the coffee. Now, The Chameleon doesn't pretend to be a coffee expert, in fact he can't really tell the difference between milk first then water and the other way around. He drinks it with sugar; and lots of it. But even he can tell when a coffee tastes watered down. This is a significant mistake for a breakfast; a coffee served in the morning should be robust and sharp, you know, give you a kick. The coffee at Milano's may have flied as a soft afternoon cuppa, but not in the morning. 

To round out the experience nicely, when presented with the bill, The Chameleon noticed it was a $20 breakfast! Sure, the location may warrant a larger increase, but to put it on the specials board (without the cost) and then charge $20 was very rude. $15 would have been pushing it and realistically, considering the quality, it was a $13 meal.           

CBD dining can be a bit hit and miss and unfortunately Milano is a miss, by quite a margin. The combination of poor coffee, inconsistent food and a waitress on speed who woke up on the wrong side of the bed (but managed to smile now and again) added up to a breakfast The Chameleon will only remember to try to forget. 49/100   

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